How to make a gay friend
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There are plenty of apps just for making friends. But something that may be a bit more specific to LGBTQIA+ friendships than heterosexual friendships is the importance of approaching conversations about identity with sensitivity and respect.
Instead of making assumptions or relying on stereotypes, ask open-ended questions and be prepared to listen to different perspectives.
Be yourself
The most important thing when it comes to making new LGBTQ+ friends is to be authentic and eager to learn from other people’s experiences and world views.
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5. Post notices in general bird/bike/crochet/sphericizing spaces and let people know that you’re interested in enjoying your hobby in queer company.
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Board game cafes are taking off worldwide, and many have specific nights set aside for LGBT2Q participants. Go to lectures and performances, especially the free ones.
Colleges, universities, bookstores, and libraries typically bring amazing LGBT2Q artists, writers, cultural workers, and other smartypantses to give talks and performances, almost all of which are free, open to the public, and held in buildings that are at least somewhat accessible to disabled people.
We’re everywhere and we look like anyone and also please don’t contribute to the idea that there’s one way to look gay, cool? You can meet other people who know as much as you do about RBIs or FGAs or NRRs, but you don’t have to be a superfan—it’s fine to just enjoy all the fit young people running around in Spandex, too, and you can always start a conversation with someone by asking them to explain whatever just happened.
Here are some links to lists of affirming (that’s the religious buzzword for “we like the gays here”) organizations:
And there are many more!
But being queer is not enough of a commonality to forge a friendship—there has to be more to it!—so try not to assume that every LGBTQIA+ person is going to be your BFF based entirely on the fact that their sexuality is the same as yours. Don’t be afraid to attend solo; the whole point is to meet new people!
2: LGBTQ+ sports leagues and clubs
Sports clubs are a fantastic way to find gay friends while staying active.
Joining a gay sports league helps you meet like-minded men and build confidence, whether you’re into football, tennis, or something more niche.
These clubs often foster a camaraderie that can easily transition into friendship off the field.
3: Gay-friendly volunteer organizations
Volunteering for LGBTQ+ causes or other community organizations is a great way to meet like-minded people while giving back.
Look for local LGBTQ+ centers, pride organizations, or gay-friendly charities that need volunteers.
4: Online LGBTQ+ communities and forums
Online LGBTQ+ forums, subreddits, or social media groups focused on specific interests can be a low-pressure way to start conversations and potentially meet local friends, while not a substitute for in-person connections.
On social media, apps like Lex—which cater to LGBTQ+ communities—or even Facebook groups can be effective for finding those looking for friendship rather than just romantic or physical connections.
5: Gay bars and clubs
Gay bars and clubs can be great places to meet potential friends, while they are often associated with hookup culture.
Look for themed nights or events that align with your interests (e.g., trivia nights, karaoke, drag shows).
If you’re nervous about going alone, bring a wingman.
Focus on socializing and having fun rather than finding a romantic connection.
6: Gay book clubs or discussion groups
Joining a gay book club or discussion group focused on LGBTQ+ literature, films, or topics allows you to connect with others who share your interests.
Many libraries or bookstores host these, or you can find them online.
7: Gay cooking classes:
Cooking classes tailored for the LGBTQ+ community offer a unique blend of culinary skills and social interaction.
Maybe you've just come out and want to connect with others who share your experiences and struggles.
5. Fly the flag (and notice who salutes).
If you go out in an unambiguously queer T-shirt and someone says “Love your shirt!” they’re saying, “Hello, fellow homo!” Say hi back, and maybe stop and chat for a minute?
These panels are a way for young people to see what Janet Mock perfectly named possibility models: people living the lives they want for themselves. Even before the coronavirus pandemic made meeting new people in person basically impossible, queers and transfolk were still struggling with loneliness. Tap into existing connections
Leverage your existing connections by letting your current friends introduce you to others.
Whether you’re new to a city or looking to expand your social circle, Bumble For Friends is a fast-track way to create platonic connections and find new friends with similar hobbies and interests.